Songs For Girls Who Feel Sad Sometimes.

I am listening to a mix that Tyler made for me last semester. I listened to it every day until the semester ended. Now each of the songs remind me of something I would normally be doing while listening to those songs.

1. After Hours - The Velvet Underground
Last semester, when I had an iPod, I would listen to this song on my way to my Sound/Image class. It is the first song on the mix, and the art building is so close to where I lived, that on Thursday at 8:15, I never made it past this song. It was winter and very, very cold. This song sounds chilly to me now.


2. Cut Me Off - Shotgun Jimmie
This song reminds me of walking back from Sound/Image. After class, once I was glad to be rid of chaos and idiocy, I picked up the mix where I left off. Except I don't remember the winter months when hearing this song a year later. I remember when everything began to come back to life.

3. Once... - Dick Morello
In my room, I strung belts and ropes from the ceilings and walls and draped blankets over them surrounding my bed. It was called "The Love Den" because we made love in this fort. Even when we were just drawing or watching The Hills Have Eyes II or planning pranks on my sister Erica, I considered it making love. This song is what I listened to when it was snowing out and it was warm in my fort and I waited for him to come back to me.

4. The Fall - Peter and the Wolf
I associate this song with walking in and out of the darkness of the photo lab. I'd put my headphones on and dip the paper in the developer, the stop, the fixer, and the wash a thousand times over. The song kept me going. It kept me in the labs until I finished my work. And then I would return through the snow and wind to The Love Den.

5. Angel in the Snow - Elliott Smith
The six hour drive between school and home hears this song a hundred times. My father, who usually picked me up before I had a car, became an avid fan of Elliott because of this song and this mix. I miss Tyler when I hear this song, because I think of either leaving him (going home) or how long it's been since I've seen him (returning to school). It's a weird sensation when I listen to this song when I'm with him. It's as if I was dreaming.

6. God - Apollo Sunshine
I remember waiting outside my dorm for his brother to pick me up and take us to our friend's photo exhibit downtown. It was becoming dark and therefore colder. I was singing along to the words and people passed me by and wondered what was wrong with me.

7. Radio Cure - Wilco
Every time I cleaned my room, it was by this song, which is 20 minutes into the mix, that some sort of progress became evident. Upon noticing a slight difference in the condition of the mess, I would become exciting and encouraged to finish. I would race around throwing things in my closet (what I consider clean) and piling my books and papers that littered the floor into an organized mess on my desk. The song picks up in the end, and I would feel the strength of the ending of the song in the strength in the end of cleaning my room.

8. Organ Solo - Neil Young
This song is the turning point; the volta. It is sad. I would cry. I would sit on my bed in the fort alone and cry. Reasons unknown, I would weep for a minute and thirty-three seconds. But by the end, I would pick up my head and wipe my face dry and be happy again. I'm feeling better now, but just for nostalgic purposes, I feel like collapsing on my bed and shedding a tear for old times sake.

9. Baby's Clean Conscience - Modest Mouse
After I cried from the Organ Solo, I would hear this song and be joyful again. I remember running through the hallway of my dorm to my best friend's room and knocking on her door and suggesting that we run outside in the snow. She agreed and we ran through the hallway past my open door where I could still hear the song playing and we flew down the elevators and into the cold.

10. Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Your Grievance - Daniel Johnston
The end! The last song! I remember sitting on my floor with Erica talking about our frustrations and, startled by the change of pace and rather unconventional voice of Daniel, she exclaimed "Who the fuck is this?" I said "Daniel Johnston!". And then we continued our conversation on the floor of my room.




And the mix ends. And 29 minutes later, I still have two midterms tomorrow, 12 prints due on Monday and differences to settle.

And funnily enough, tomorrow (ten minutes) is Tyler's birthday. I made him a mix.